Description
Your spouse might be doing things right now they absolutely shouldn’t be doing.
An affair. Pornography. Spending money that isn’t theirs to spend. Things that are genuinely wrong.
And your instinct is to point to the rules. We agreed to this. You said you wouldn’t. This isn’t okay.
You’re not wrong. It isn’t okay.
But here’s the problem.
The more you rely on rules to get them to stop, the more it pushes them away.
Rules don’t create desire. Rules don’t create connection. And rules certainly don’t make someone want to come back to you.
What we say at Marriage Helper is this.
People don’t leave what they have unless they believe what they’re going to is better.
Which means if your spouse is looking elsewhere, something out there feels better to them than what’s in here.
You can spend all your energy trying to enforce the rules. Or you can spend it becoming the better.
Not better than the affair partner. Not better than whatever they’re chasing. Better than who you’ve been. Better than the version of the relationship that slowly stopped being something they wanted to come home to.
Be the better.
That’s not giving up on the rules. That’s understanding what actually has a chance of working.
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