Descrizione
"I didn't teach you to pray like that"
Hastily salvaged and cleaned up this old wip during the school break, since I really wanted to get something out! Bit of an editing practice moment and a pseudo continuation of my Tobias video (Devils manner).
To try keep this concise, this video focuses on Aran and his guilt over failing as a mother & father to his children. Being raised in the cult and raised to be Deacon's successor, child of Tobias, who she helped escape after she learned he was being abused by his mentor. As per the cult's set up, they didn't know the outside world even existed, only believing it to be a void outside the walls. In helping him escape, Tobias decided that she would rather her son be dead than end up in a trapped life like she was living. This idea persisted to him, he did find the world outside, fell in love young and had a family, had a son who grew to hate him despite his attempts at caring and mothering him, had twins who were scarred by his struggling parenting when his partner died. He'd found some healing within Churches of Abaddon so he gave his children up to it naively, he just hoped it would save them, and to their aunt, his partners sister who ran a specific church branch of it. He believed others would die or only find misery around him, he began to adjust to lonliness in an almost saintly way, believing this to be an eternal punishment that he would gracefully shoulder, developing small systems of punishment when he broke promises to others. He made his partner's ring into his nose ring. As much as reconnecting with religion and creating his own framework for it helps in his healing, it is also a self punishment that keeps him isolated from others and eventually his adult children.
In the city he is faced with his children again. Damian, having been chewed up by the church and fed through brutal cage fighting systems, Micah who had become indoctrinated under her aunt and fully believed Aran and Damian to be Sinful demons, and then Bellum who only respects what Aran was meant to be, the next in line leader of the cult, Bellum is obsessed with spiting him and finding the ultimate truth of the world, then being the one to reveal it. Aran sees them all as grown adults he knows nothing of and leaves them all be, if they insult him then he will take it, if they need help then he will do exactly as they ask, if they don't want to see him again he will oblige. To his children he is someone who tip toes, someone who martyrs herself in guilt and is ashamed of them. Really he doesn't want to do or say anything that could invalidate their view of him because he believes in that view as well, and in some aspect he doesn't want to face actively hurting someone or toiling in the feelings, not even wanting to explain why he left them so he doesn't victimize himself to them, if they didn't think of him at all and tried to survive the life he'd gave them that would be ideal.
What breaks this pattern is the concept of his children going through anything like he did, and an urge to stop his children from going down the unstable paths they're on. Trying to save Damian from being targeted by their aunt again as an adult does eventually, complicatedly lead to the two reconnecting. It's a mess of two traumatized people with complicated views of the world and themselves trying to wrangle with guilt and shoulds and deserveds, Damian needing guidance and Aran needing to allow himself to be cared for and to care for someone again. There is a million more micro nuances to this all but I already cut this down from 4 paragraphs so you're welcome haha.
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𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: Lower ones eyes - Lanndo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sEptl-psU0Y)
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