Description
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When a BPD urge hits, it can feel like you have to act right now. It may feel like sending the text, self-harming, exploding, shutting down, or ending the relationship is the only way to survive the moment.
In this video, Dr. Daniel Fox explains urge surfing, a DBT distress tolerance skill that helps you notice an urge, ride it like a wave, and create space before reacting. You’ll learn why BPD urges can feel so intense, what is often underneath them, and how to use a simple five-minute surf to get through the peak without letting the urge take over.
This is not about willpower or “just calming down.” It is about working with your nervous system in a way that gives you more choice, more safety, and more control in the moment. The transcript explains urge surfing as a skill where urges “peak, plateau, and then… subside” without acting on them.
🎓 ONLINE COURSE
Learn evidence-based skills for understanding and managing borderline personality disorder:
https://www.bpdcourse.com
📚 BOOKS & CLINICAL TOOLS BY DR. DANIEL FOX
• The Relationships Workbook for BPD – Skills to cultivate emotional safety and stronger connections
https://www.amazon.com/Relationships-Workbook-BPD-Understanding-Connections/dp/1648486053
• BPD Guided Journal – A structured space to process intense emotions and build self-compassion
https://shorturl.at/Ta5Dj
• The BPD Card Deck – 50 practical strategies for emotional regulation
https://shorturl.at/jBHJV
• Complex Borderline Personality Disorder – Understanding co-occurring conditions
https://rb.gy/hdyqyy
• Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders – A modern clinical framework
https://tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
• The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook – An integrative skills-based program
https://goo.gl/LQEgy1
• Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic & Histrionic Workbook
(IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner)
https://goo.gl/BLRkFy
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox
(IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner)
https://goo.gl/sZYhym
👤 ABOUT DR. DANIEL J. FOX
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and multi-award-winning author. He has over 20 years of experience specializing in the assessment and treatment of personality disorders across state and federal prison systems, universities, and private practice. His clinical focus includes personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, emotional intelligence, and relationship functioning.
🌐 CONNECT WITH DR. FOX
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@DrDanielFox
Website: http://www.drdfox.com
Blog (Psychology Today): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-complex-diagnosis
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdfox
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/appliedpsychservices/
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/DrDanielJFox1
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drdfox/
Amazon Author Page: https://amazon.com/author/drfox
00:00 When the urge feels like a wall
00:51 What you’ll learn in this video
01:24 Where urge surfing comes from
02:37 Why the wave metaphor matters
03:03 Why BPD urges hit harder
04:00 What the urge is really signaling
05:16 The four moves of urge surfing
05:23 Move 1: Name the urge
05:50 Move 2: Locate it in your body
06:39 Move 3: Ride the wave
07:55 Move 4: Return to what matters
08:49 Why this is not a willpower problem
10:02 The five-minute surf
11:19 The urge is not who you are
12:18 Worksheets and next steps