Beschreibung
Breaking News – 11:49AM, Tuesday, November 18, 2020
Neighborville man breaks into local news station KPVN, steals television, tape recorder, and a single shoe. Was soon found and arrested near corner stores in Up-Down-Uptown.
Zombashian Nobrainer, age 33, was arrest on November 18, 2020, at 7:18AM, after police have received numerous complaints from local store owners and residents. These Neighborvillians reported loud noises, stuff breaking, and big messes.
Residents from near-by apartments and homes reported seeing a “tv head guy” smacking plants, yelling, and trying to break into small business “Soil YOURSELF!”. The owner of “Day of the Meds” (located near to where the event happened) stated this: “He had a TV on his head, and was breaking everything! I assume he needed help to get the TV off, but I’d rather let the professionals handle this”.
Police went to investigate the area, to where they found Nobrainer unconscious in front of coffee shop “Roast Excellent”. Nobrainer had a stolen Quasar Portable TV on his head, a Panasonic Tape Recorder on his hand, and an old brown shoe in his pocket.
Officials at the time didn’t know that these items were stolen, till later that very day at 8:30AM, where KPVN employees reported a break-in at their news station. “Yup, this was definitely a break-in, there’s broken glass... and stuff” stated Officer John. “It is a bit strange that Nobrainer chose to steal these items, when he could’ve just asked for them...” said an employee. Total damages would cost up to $43 to fully repair.
Police soon took in the unconscious Nobrainer away. We interviewed the locals who witness the event unfold...
“He was so loud, I think he scared my car...”, said the owner of Uno Taco.
“Hope they take the TV off him, who knows what horrible mobile game ads are being shown...” said a resident.
“I hope he’s alright, maybe he just needs a marshmallow after all this?“, stated store owner Jane Slade.
“Do we even have a police department?” stated another resident.
After speaking to many local Neighborvillians, we turn to the Mayor, who has this to say: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! (PANT) (PANT), AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (BREATH) ...” ...who appears to still be locked out of his own home. “I’M JUST STILL STRESSED OUT... OUT..., ABOUT THE ZOMBIES!!”
Police released a report about an hour after the arrest, stating this: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! IT’S A ZOMBIE!”. WAIT, WHAT?! EVERYONE HIDE! STOP READING THIS REPORT! BARRICADE YOUR HOMES! RUN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
- Your local news station, KPVN
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